Area Dipshit Thinks He’s Funny, Adds Yet Another Site To Internet Vacuum; No One Cares
MINNEAPOLIS—Alexander David Scott of Minneapolis, MN has reportedly decided to start a fake news website, adding further to the endless, vapid static and white noise that is the Internet. Scott, 29, is on record as saying he “doesn’t know what else to do with his time,” which certainly spells doom for innocent Internet bystanders.
“Everyone always says you should do what you love, find whatever you’re passionate about,” Scott stated as he took a swig of unidentifiable liquid from a personalized flask. “I’m passionate about wasting time and making fun of people. And Irish whiskey.”
Scott is unmarried with 0 kids, sits on his ass for a living and can be easily described as a faceless minion of modern American culture, seemingly unable to come to grips with the cold realization the universe is a large, cold place that does not give a shit about humanity, let alone his own dreary existence. “Don’t bother me with this, I’m trying to play Blake Stone: Aliens of Gold,” he said while mowing through his 4th iced coffee of the day.
The biggest concern with writing a blog of this nature, Scott says, is creating and maintaining a suspension of disbelief for both himself and his audience that he is actually funny. “I’m just dicking around,” he said. “Regardless, I’m sure I’ll get messages here and there from people bitching about the content of a website that they chose to view free of charge, out of their own free will.”
Asked to clarify, Scott became ornery and threw down his flask while slowly removing his $490 designer sunglasses and said, “This site is satire. As in, fake. None of this is real. It was made to make myself and a few friends of mine laugh. So enjoy it, or don’t.”