Unique condition that only occurs during boring class…

MEMPHIS—Phil Kuhn, a 17-year-old high school junior, was caught texting a female friend during class this morning despite Kuhn’s vehement denial. All available evidence suggests that Kuhn was texting during class, seeing that he was staring straight down as an LCD screen backlight reflected back up on his face. Kuhn maintains that he was unable to take his eyes off his light-up genitals.

“If you had [genitals] that lit up, you’d stare at them all day too,” Kuhn said.

Strangely, Kuhn’s genitals only seem to light up when he’s in a boring class. Nobody has ever reported a sighting of his illuminated junk in any other situation. “My junk picks its spots,” Kuhn said. “It doesn’t just light up for anyone.”

Coincidentally, male and female genitals alike across the country have been developing the ability to emit a soft glow consistent with the LCD screen of a smartphone. Antonio Gonzalez has been coping with the condition ever since he got his job at Fremington Insurance. “And at the same time I’ve been able to hone my Tiger Woods Golf ‘12 skills where I’m setting the course record at St. Andrews.”

“Not that that has anything to do with my glowing penis.”

Kuhn and Gonzalez were both cleared of any kind of serious medical condition.

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