Changing the world, one rabbit at a time…
MINNEAPOLIS—A group of obnoxious hipsters got together in Uptown Minneapolis to decide on the “proper” way to celebrate Easter, eventually settling on the “poignant and ironic” idea of having roast rabbit for dinner. The hipsters all agreed that this idea was “deeply poetic” and is the kind of statement “that can change the world.”
“Don’t you think it’s interesting,” said staunch hipster Clayton Vankirk, “how the corporations of America have totally made up this completely meaningless holiday just for the sake of profit? As a protest, we will roast their corporate mascot [presumably a rabbit] and eat it for dinner. We think that will get the point across.”
Each hipster seemed appropriately fired up for their passive-aggressive “protest” which will be taking place in the comfort of Vankirk’s suburban middle-class parents’ dining room. “We had to make sure there would be enough room for the national media once they hear about what we’re doing,” continued Vankirk. “Word’s gonna spread pretty fast.”
Fellow annoyingly arrogant hipster Ashlee Eruzio shared Vankirk’s enthusiasm. “What we’re doing might end Easter entirely,” she explained. “People will take a step back and think, ‘You know, I’ve been blindly following these nonsensical Easter rules… maybe I should think things over.’”
Conversely, one uppity vegan that’s friends with Vankirk and Eruzio plans on protesting the roast rabbit dinner outside Vankirk’s parents’ house. “I knew this would generate controversy and I’m totally fine with it,” said Vankirk calmly as he sipped from his glass of Merlot.
Eruzio and Vankirk are still in the protesting spirit fresh from their “successful” Occupy Wall Street movement that consisted of them camping out in front of the downtown Government Center for two weeks, doing and accomplishing exactly nothing other than taking up space. They firmly believe eating a rabbit in their parents’ house will have a similar effect.