The Fakest Fake News Straight From Some Guy

Report: Your Mother Had Sex With Your Father

In Your Life Sucks on January 18, 2012 at 9:00 AM

And you’re busy thinking about it, you freak…

YOUR FACE—Some Guy Daily News has received an exclusive report that your mother had sex with your father, therefore making you imagine your mother having sex with your father in order to conceive you, thereby ruining your day. The report continues that your mother may in fact be having sex with your father right now.

You may refute that with, “No way, they’re old, and my parents aren’t like that,” but that only increases the odds that your parents had been aggressively repressing sexual energy for decades and just waited for you to move out. The minute that happened, they indeed fucked like sloppy wrinkly rabbits.

Regardless, the fact remains: your mother had sex with your father and that’s how you were conceived. We will keep repeating that phrase over and over until it is tattooed onto your brain.

UPDATE: Some Guy Daily News has also learned that you, right now, are thinking about your parents having sex, you sick fuck. What is wrong with you?

UPDATE II: THE QUICKENING: Some Guy Daily News will continue to insult your face and your mother for the foreseeable future. No reason has been provided.

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