Hopes to help sagging economy…

WASHINGTON—White House Press Secretary Jay Carney informed the press this afternoon that the United States Congress has agreed to restart World War II due to sagging ratings on the History Channel, slow book sales on the thousands of Hitler biographies, and decreased online activity for outdated WWII games like Medal of Honor, the older Call of Duty games and Battlefield 1942.

“Our economy has gotten an insane amount of mileage from World War II for the past several decades,” Carney said. “People couldn’t get enough of Hitler and Nazis – look at the History Channel, which essentially had to be renamed as the Hitler Channel. Look at the publishing industry, even Hitler’s friggin architect, Albert Speer… he has TWENTY FIVE books written about him. His architect!”

“The gaming industry used to knock out a couple dozen first-person-shooter WWII games every year,” Carney continued. “But they’ve been replaced by monochrome post-apocalyptic games like Gears of War and Rage.”

“Even HBO and Showtime have finally run out of ideas for WWII shows after Band of Brothers and The Pacific. Let’s face it: WWII needs to reinvent itself.”

Carney says the US will invade both Germany and Japan “as soon as possible” as part of President Obama’s latest economic stimulus plan. “We’ll re-open all the old manufacturing plants and dedicate half the country’s workforce to work towards the war. If it worked in 1942, it can work now.”

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