PEORIA, IL—YouTube commenter WildLustang69 made an embarrassing revelation this morning: he does not own a Ford Mustang as his username implies. Instead he owns a white 1994 Honda Civic he inherited five years ago from his older sister after she left for college. WildLustang69, actual name Glenn Martinez, went on to explain his name was developed to try and impress women.
“Yeah, that hasn’t worked,” he admitted. “I guess most intelligent people can see past the flimsy screen name and decipher for themselves that I’m just a dumbass teenager from the suburbs.”
“This does not mean though that I am not a wild lustang,” continued Martinez. “Ladies, my number is [phone number omitted], gimme a call. Ride the lustang. Then go for a ride in my pimped out ’94 Civic.”
This blatant case of Internet Username Fraud (IUF) only scratches the surface of the current epidemic spreading rapidly across the Internet. There are an estimated 940,000 false usernames that are entirely misleading in addition to sounding utterly retarded. Internet sociologist Herman Mays explains:
“The most common cases are obviously the shameless screennames like ‘jenny14f34dd.’ That’s clearly a 50something-year-old guy from Georgia named Bruce. But the blatancy isn’t making them any more infrequent.”