MILWAUKEE—The Miller Lite “Man Up” ad campaign has been hitting all cylinders in recent months, each commercial featuring a female bartender strangely demonstrating a clear resentment towards the people responsible for supporting her financial well-being. Miller Brewing Co. is coming forward to explain the behavior portrayed in the ad, best described as “cunty.”
“We understand there is a small but vocal minority that openly loathe these women because they’re such cunts,” says Miller Brewing Company Executive VP of Marketing Ted Sifford. “And that’s fine, we know they’re cunts. The idea of their cuntiness is to get a reaction, and to eventually brand Miller Lite as the cunty beer of their cunty choice.”
Some Guy Daily News attempted to approach one particular cunt from the commercial in an attempt to reveal why she’s such a fucking cunt when her livelihood depends on servicing paying customers for tips. “Kinda like your inability to use a razor?” one cunt said cuntily. “When you learn to stop looking like Grizzly Adams and shave that raccoon off your face, let me know.”
When asked why males are to be emasculated by tepid, hackneyed insults from these cunts only to shill an utterly purposeless “vortex bottle” gimmick apparently aimed at 10-year-olds or people with brain damage, one cunt stated, “Kinda like the carwax you use to style your hair? When you get that straightened out, let me know.”
Some Guy Daily News is still working to confirm what the hell that even means.